6211 Shades Bluer
by SorenGladfeldt
Summary: The idiotic sequel to "6,211 Shades of Turquois" my sister and I wrote. Read at your own discretion.
1. Chapter 1

"Push! Push! Thou must push with all thy might!" Ewdard and Jackobub chanted in unison as they cheered Beulah Swain on giving birth to that child which they conceived at the end of the previous story.

"I am pushing with all mine might!" Beulah Swain said.

"Ewdard, Jackobub, I think you two should sit in the waiting room," said Charlisle, ushering them out.

So Ewdard and Jackobub were forced to wait in the waiting room while Esme sat quietly reading _Mad Magazine_.

"Jackobub," said Ewdard, turning to Jackobub, "would you like to engage in some sexual intercourse in the bathroom?"

"I would love to, Ewdard," said Jackobub, and they headed off to the men's room to engage in sexual intercourse.

Seconds later, Charlisle emerged, holding a small bundle and shaking slightly.

"Esme," he said, "where is Ewdard and Jackobub?"

"I believe they went into the washroom to engage in some sexual intercourse," she did say in reply.

"I should have known…" said Charlisle, shaking his head. "Ewdard, Jackobub, get out here immediately, you idiots!"

"Not just yet," Called Ewdard from within.

"No, NOW!" insisted Charlisle, "This is important!"

"Fine…" said Ewdard and Jackobub from within, who shortly emerged, only partly dressed.

"What is it, Charlisle?" the pair asked of him in unison.

"This is the child," said Charlisle, "whom I have taken the liberty of naming Rennessme."

"I wonder which of us the father is?" asked Ewdard and Jackobub in unison.

"We can worry about that later," said Charlisle, voice sinking somewhat. "I'm afraid that Beulah Swain did not make it."

"What is that that you are attempting to imply, Charlisle?" the two asked him in unison.

"Beulah Swain is dead," said Charlisle, remembering that Ewdard and Jackobub were incapable of comprehending anything not stated directly.

"She is!?" the two exclaimed in unison.


	2. Chapter 2

"This is truly most horrible!" Ewdard and Jackobub began to cry in unison, "we have lost our dearest friend who was most excellent in bed! We will never again be able to enjoy the pleasure of female genitalia again!"

"I sympathize with you both," said Charlisle, "but likely not for the same reasons…"

"MOTHER!" Ewdard and Jackobub said, each taking one of Esme's shoulders to cry upon, "Beulah Swain has stopped being alive and become dead!"

"There, there, boys," said Esme comforting them, "I am sure that she is not really dead."

"Actually, she is," said Charlsile, "and she is currently on her way to the morgue."

"Whatever shalt we do!?" Ewdard and Jakobub did scream together in agonizing unison.

"Boys, please," said Charlisle, trying to both comfort them and pull them together paradoxically, "I understand that you are sad that she is gone, as am I, but you have to pull it together. You have a child to raze."

They climbed into Charlisle and Esme's car and drove home sadly. The clouds were also moste sad and did weep rain-tears.


	3. Chapter 3

The very next following day, Emse and Charlisle were while eating Lucky Charms for breakfast , did Ewdard and Jackobub enter.

"Mom, Dad," they did say in unison, even though half of them wasn't related to either, "we were thinking about it like realy hard last knight and we thought of something!"

"What is that, boys?" asked Charlisle.

"Well, Beulah Swain is not truly dead," they did began to say, "because we still have Esme her daughter, and Beulah Swain lives on in her."

"What a wonderful sentiment," Emse did gush.

"Yes, it is a good point that which you make," Charlisle said.

"We also thought," continued Ewdard and Jackobub in unison, "that whoever is not Renesmee's father get's to engage in sexual intercourse with her once she is old enough to do so."

"You see?" said Esme happily, "You can put all your love for Beulah Swain on Rennesme!"

"I knew it…" Charlisle said, putting his head down on the table and releasing from his lungs a very large breath.

"But Ewdard," said Jackobub, turning to Ewdard, "does this not mean that we will have to wait a long while for Renessmee to be legal?"

"Do not worry, Jackobub," said Ewdard, "Rennesmee is a vampyre child, will consequently matriculate much faster than a normal child, so that we will not have to wait."

"That is most glorious!" said Jackobub. "But we still as of yet do not know which one is the father."

"DNA test," said Charlisle, head still resting upon the table.

"What?" asked Ewdard and Jackobub in unison.

"Get a DNA test," said Charlisle once more. "You all three go to a doctor, each give some spit, blood, or hair, and they can use science to figure out which of you is the father."

"Charlisle," said Ewdard, alone this time, "this is not the time nor place for abstract conundrums! We need practical solutions to real problems!"

"Oh forget it," said Charlisle finally. "I'm sure you will figure it out without too much pain…"

Suddenly there came a most high pitched scream from the second story floor of the castle!


	4. Chapter 4

Ewdard, Jackobub, Charlisle, and Esme ran up six flights of stairs until they finally reached Renessme's room. In it, they found Renesmee, now looking about five years of age, screaming, "GET ME! GET ME OUT OF THIS THINGY NOW! I'M NOT A BABY!"

"You see, Jackobub?" said Ewdard, "Because she is a vampire child, she grows exceptionally fast. She is only a day old, and already five years upon her."

"I do see what it is that you were referring to, Ewdard," said Jackobub. "But we still haven't a clue regarding who the father of the child could be."

"Wait," said Charlisle, "doesn't the fact that she is a vampyre imply that Ewdard is the father?"

"Silence, Charlisle!" said Ewdard and Jackobub in unison. Then Ewdard turned to Jackobub and said, "Perhaps we can try invoking some sort of magik to discern the identity—"

"Hello, I'm still stuck in this stupid crib thingy!" Renessme complained, now looking about seven.

"Yes of course, please allow us to remove you from their, dear Renessmee," said Ewdard and Jackobub in unison as they walked over and together removed the child of unknowable parentage from the cryb.

"What should we do now, Ewdard?" asked Jackobub.

"I am not quite certain, Jackobub," said Ewdard. "I have never had to raise a child before."

"I wanna go to Cedar Point!" said Rennesmee.

"Why, what a most brilliant idea!" said Ewdard and Jackobub in unison. "We shall with speed to Cedar Point!"

"Wait a minute!" said Charlisle, "Cedar Point is on the other side of the country. There is no way that I am driving 2000 miles just so Rennessme can go on a roller coaster."

"CRY!" said Renessmeee. "Ewdard, Jackobub, why does grampa Charlisle hate me so much?"

"Dost thou see what it is that thou hath done, Charlisle?" exclaimed Ewdard and Jackobub in unison. "Thou hath made our little daughter Renesssmee to weepeth!"

"I am not taking her to Cedar Point," said Charlisle adimently. "Anyway, there is plethora of theme parks much closer!"

"I WANT TO GO TO CEDAR FUCKING POINTE!" cried Reneesme some more.

"Charlisle," Ewdard and Jackobub raged in unison, "thou must taketh her with speed to Cedar Fucking Point!"

"But—"

"CRY SOME MORE!" cried Rennesmse some more.

And it was so that he did have no other choice but to drive them all to Cedar Fucking Point.


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: hi its me Emma again. Im writing more of the story now with Soren spell czeching me cuz it's the only thing hes good at.

"Here we are on our first trip as a family together!" said Emse as she used the camcorder to record them while in the car. "We're all taking Ewdard or Jackobub's baby, Renessme, to Cedar Point—"

"I'm not a fucking baby!" Renssmee screamed, now looking approximately 12 yeasr old.

"Charlisle," Ewdard and Jackobub implored Charlisle from the back seat in unison, (a/n: I know its gay that they say stuff together, but its what Soren wants) "we must get to Cedar Point soon or Renessmee won't be a child anymore!"

"The speed limit is 70 and I'm doing 80!" Charlisle said.

"But everyone is passing us!" said Esme, chiming in.

"Don't help," said Charlisle.

"Do you not see, Charlisle!?" Ewdard and Jackobub cried out in agonizing unison, "Thou must driveth faster or else Renessme will outgroweth them parks all twogether!"

"Drive, drive, thou must drive with all thy might!" Ewdard, Jackobub and Renessmee all chanted unison together.

"These will make such happy memories!" beamed Emse.

"Define happy…" sulked Charlisle.


	6. Chapter 6

After driving for approximately five days, they finally reached Cedar Point.

"Finally! I can sleep!" Charlisle said, collapsing at the wheel.

"We hath finally reached Cedar Point!" Ewdard and Jackobub and Renessmee rejoiced in unison.

"Renesmme, my maybe child," said Ewdard, "what wouldst thou liketh to do first?"

"Ohh! First I wanna—" then her mobile telephone did buzz. "Oh, hold on, I'm getting a text from Brandon!"

"Who is Brandon?" asked Jackobub.

"The cute boy at school who's been talking to me!" said Renseeme.

"Oh, how romantic!" said Esme.

"But wait," said Ewdard, "how didst thou meet a boy at school if you've been in the van for 5 days?"

"Idk," said Renesme, "all I know is he is one sexy boy and—OMG that is a bigass member!" she did verbally exclaim upon receive a "sext" from the boy. Renesseme was now about 17.

"Rensme," Jackobub did say to her verbally, "wouldst thou like to go on a roller coaster?"

"CRY!" said Renseeme as water came out of her eyes. "Brandon did dump for Vanessa the cheerleader!"

"Be not sad, my beloved possibly daughter," said Ewdard, "once we hath determined who is your father, you will be able to engage in sexual intercourse with whoever is not your father."

"Im gonna kill that fucking bitch Vanessa for spilling applesauce on my new dress when I was trying to look cut for the nw sexy chemisty teacher its not write that I got grounded for smashing a rock thru their windshield!" sed Rensmeems

And then Rensemee pulled out a really big gun with nifes and stuff and shot VEnessa in the head with it and screemed take that bich! And Vanessa was ded


	7. Chapter 7

THIS IS SOREN GLADFELDT SPEAKING: I DO APPOLOGIZE FOR EMMA'S RANTING. I HAVE SINCE LOCKED HER OFF MY COMPUTER WITH BY WAY OF DIGITAL PASSWORD WHICH ONLY I DO KNOW. I TAKE MY STORY WRITING QUITE SIRIOUSLY HAVE THUS NO TOLERENCE FOR BAD BEHAVIOUR. THAT IS ALL.

At this point, Renessme did walk about the Cedar Poinnte in a graduation capt and gown, having just finished high school. She did age upon with years which did pile up greatly as she grew up whilst upon the Viperama who didst swing them about in loopdy-loops and fruity loops like ducks with wings and other such things which do make the little echildrne smile so widely as thay quietly quilted quickly.

"Ewdard, Jackobub," she did call to them, clutching that most glorious of documents which do declare that she hath graudated from that glorious of academies that will grant her the supreme powers to annunciate all that is and isn't not!

"What is it, Reneseme?" asked Ewdard and Jackobub in unison.

"I hath finally graduated from high and am ready to become a woman!"

"Be we still knoweth not who thy father is," the two said in unison.

"Don't you see, boys? I am Beulah Swain reincarcerated!" said Renesme happily. "You can both engage in sexual intercourse with me!"

"Glorious!" said Ewdard and Jackobub in unison. "Let us go find a bathroom to engage in sexual intercourse, just like the old days!"

"Beulah Swain, you look sexy with youre new read hare," said Jackobub.

"Thank you," said Renesme who was Beulah Swain reincarcerated. And they went to find a place to engage in sexual intercourse in.


End file.
